I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
