I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
