I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
