Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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