Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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