theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
