i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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