so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
