i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
