Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
