Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
