Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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