My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
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