That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
