i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
