Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
