I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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