I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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