There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Drake has all the answers
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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