we have pet lesbian snakes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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