when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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