When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
