His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
