I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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