And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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