I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
