I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
