do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
