So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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