Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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