You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
