make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
