The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
