I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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