just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Be still, my beating vagina.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
