i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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