This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
