Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
