Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
