Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
