This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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