If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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