she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
