doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
