so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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