You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
