she was so not down for the gang bang
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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