why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
