On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
