i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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