The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
