My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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