i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize