That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
