I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
