so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize