whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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