where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
