You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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