I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
