you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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