Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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