dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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