Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
