I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
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judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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