I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
