Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
