There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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