No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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