I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
