who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
