Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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