if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
