I want to walk on stilts...naked
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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