Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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