if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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